Sharing feelings builds intimacy, but it's also vulnerable. But in the long term, it undermines us and our relationships. This could mean the difference for you in terms of improving your communication skills and managing your defensive reactions. In the moment, getting defensive can feel like the only way to cope with threat. Now that you know about the signs of being defensive, you might also be wondering if there are different types of defensiveness. Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. Here's what EQ is, its components, and how to improve it. What triggers your fight or flight defenses? People who are insecure or guilty tend to act defensive. For many kids of color, for example, its at this age that they start to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school, or whether they are being stereotyped. Add defensive to one of your lists below, or create a new one. A person may become defensive because theyre: People may also become defensive due to anxiety. However, this method may be limiting because you may be focused on ways to bend that could compromise some of your needs while trying to meet the needs of the other. But what about in the moment? Should I Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media? A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you arent sure about this, use your journal to write out a list of things that you could do in the moment instead of acting out on your defensive feelings. Remain calm even if you feel like becoming defensive in return (as this won't solve anything). Anxiety in and of itself is not a bad thing. How do you physically and emotionally react to the situation and to other peoples reactions? In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. An old-fashioned rule we can no longer put up with. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. Or, on the flip side, how do they know if theyre being pandered to by adults who want to prove theyre not racist? Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. https://www.thefreedictionary.com/defensive. Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., is a psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. Defensive. Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/defensive. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. You end up feeling like an outcast and that you dont fit in with anyone no matter where you go. Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft The first step to stopping your defensive behavior is to actually become aware of when it is happening. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. To save this word, you'll need to log in. This not only makes you seem more affable and humble, but it removes the defenses of the other person who feels like they are being attacked for their own problems. 4. Opposite. Below are some tips on how to cope and defuse this situation when you are faced with a defensive person. WebNSC Defensive Driving Courses. Remember that you are responsible for your own behavior and your own reactions; the other person does not need to behave in a certain way to make you feel better. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior And once youve composed yourself, its time for the last step. It's important that you learn to work through defensive behavior in a relationship because if we don't learn how to deal with our grievances head-on, inevitably we deal with them indirectly. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. We all carry baggage with us from childhooddefensiveness is no different. Woodfellow D. Why Do People Get So Defensive? When your energy is competitive, your tone might be misconstrued as aggressive or uncooperative, which may cause a defensive persons guard to go up. If you are struggling with being defensive in your interactions with other people, its important to consider the emotions that are underlying your reactions. In the study, university students were primed by reading one of two specific passages written in the style of a news article: one said that intelligence was inherited and fixed from a young age, while the other said that intelligence could be increased substantially over the life span. Below are some ideas to get you started on a path toward being less defensive. Since you cant always avoid conflict, it may be beneficial to consider these tips and tricks for communicating effectively, especially with someone defensive. Conflict management styles and organizational commitment: The conceptual framework development. According to a study by Dr. Carol Dweck, grande dame of the mindset movement, cultivating a growth mindset can help us make the leap. To save this word, you'll need to log in. Hear a word and type it out. What Is Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder? When you compromise, you decide to negotiate with one another. Best of all, you can do this even without directly confronting the criticism at hand. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. Research Weba. Delivered to your inbox! All Rights Reserved. (2017). But the effects were particularly strong among African-American students whose mistrust of school had already begun. Getting defensive in response to disruptions like these in your relationship is natural. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. Alternatively, dont be afraid to stay momentarily silent. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. wary. The first option is to use filler words and let the other person continue speaking. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. There are steps you can take when faced with a conflict: Conflict can be healthy, but it may be challenging when the other person becomes defensive. Advertisement 2. So how can we channel our energy into self-improvement rather than self-defense? Of course, its not realistic to expect to always respond to every type of criticism in this way. WebDistrustful of others. As you validate your feelings of being hurt or feeling ashamed, and show compassion toward yourself for how you are feeling, you can also acknowledge the fact that you dont need to act upon the impulse to react defensively. Opposite offensive Defensiveness is a learned behavior, meaning that it can also be unlearned. Imagine yourself staying calm and collected while you discuss a problem, instead of reacting defensively. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting b. The relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in ways they wouldn't if expressed freely in the first place. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. 3. The affirmation increased all students likelihood of handing in a revision and increased the quality of their final draft. You and everyone around you will benefit as a result of taking this action. While it might make sense that you feel defensive, that doesnt mean that you necessarily have to take action. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. We usually think of defensiveness as getting verbally defensive. (2020). cautious. Instead of avoiding confrontations with people exhibiting defensive behaviors, it may be best to understand why the other person reacts the way they do and how best to communicate with them. Which of these items is named for a deadly weapon. Before you can focus on others reactions to conflicts, its best to grow your self-awareness. For example, if your neighbor is playing loud music, ask for the music to be turned down instead of offering judgment about what the neighbor is doing. Which of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours? Learn a new word every day. When each letter can be seen but not heard. Copyright 2023 Vocabulary.com, Inc., a division of IXL Learning Thats why driver safety training is so important. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. But no matter their actual score, participants were told they scored in the 37th percentile. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. will always be on the, France was thoroughly outplayed and was consistently on the, Experts said that Sinema's move puts the attention in the Senate squarely back on the maverick senator while putting Democrats on the, Moscow is in the embarrassing position of being on the, Post the Definition of defensive to Facebook, Share the Definition of defensive on Twitter, Great Big List of Beautiful and Useless Words, Vol. In fact, there are a number of different styles of being defensive. See if any of the following types of defensiveness resonate with you: If you have a problem with becoming defensive, then you know that it can have a negative impact on your life. 1. You could say, Go on or Oh? Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. Direct communication will always be received better than judgmental attitude. Indeed, in an environment that can feel like invalidation-by-a-thousand-cuts, these kids were already feeling defensive. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981. Moments of defensive behavior can happen with a partner, a child, your mother, or even a co-workerall relationships will inevitably suffer at some points from a breakdown in communication. Of or relating to defense. So when you least feel like reaching out to connect, take a risk and try it; the results will pay off (much more than isolating yourself). Research Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics: Improve your vocabulary with English Vocabulary in Use from Cambridge.Learn the words you need to communicate with confidence. These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word 'defensive.' Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. So how does this apply to you? And we're rewarded because each thing they say and do activates the connection center of our brain. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Instead of immediately reacting to your feelings of being hurt or feeling criticized, you could try taking responsibility for whatever part you might be responsible for in the situation. The cost to our intimate relationships when we aren't willing to protest (whether out of fear, self-doubt, an impulse to people-please, and so on) is that we literally make it impossible for the issues in the relationship to heal. As youve learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. Learn a new word every day. Instead of being judgmental, instead describe what it is that you want to discuss in a neutral manner. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. Keep this in mind for both yourself and your partner; it's always important to remember that we all have a variety of influencing factors when it comes to our behavior. Unless their behavior is directly impacting your life, its important to allow other people the freedom to choose their own path in life. Yet withdrawal and disconnection are what continue to create trouble. Reviewed by Devon Frye. It gives your partner the benefit of the doubt, allowing, in the best of circumstances, for them to repair the situation with a simple, "I'm sorry. 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